Update from last Post

Sorry I haven't written in a while, its been quite the ride. I had another surgery to find out what the poo was going on with my uterus and hopefully fix it. I was really hoping that from my tubal pregnancy and the c-section that scar tissue had formed and they would be able to separate it from the uterus and I would be good to go. But that wasn't the case at all. I have whats called a Unicornian Uterus. Again rare. Which means I only have half a uterus. Awesome. The reason why they thought that I had a right side to it that they couldn't see was because of the tubal pregnancy on that side... Picture half of a uterus with a messed up right fallopian tube in a really weird spot and that's what I've got. So the Doc went in to talk to Alan while I was in surgery to tell him what was going on and options on what to do next. They could leave the tube and risk another ectopic pregnancy or clip it and have less eggs to work with because I wont be able to ovulate from that side. Since the last ectopic almost cost me my life they clipped it. Thank goodness they did. I really DON'T want to go through that again. It was emotional in soooo many ways. So now we have to wait for 6 months and go back in to see what our next plan is. They don't want to put me on Clomid right now because if I had twins I have no room for them and most likely they will only last 20 weeks and either not make it or be in NICU for a very long time. That makes it really hard for me to know what to do. As a mom you don't want to cause ANY pain to your baby. And knowing that is a high possibility is hard for me to say it is worth it. Next would be IVF. And it is intense! I am not a strong person I will admit that. Its not a simple retrieval and implant. So then after that would be adoption. A lot to decide. Poor little M may not have a sibling for a really long time but it will happen. He really needs a little brother or sister.
For the next 6 months we are on our own. I hope and pray that we can have another baby with out the help of doctors.

My Story of Infertility

I mostly want to talk about what has been going on as of late but for those who don't remember or don't know I'll give you a little heads up. But you can also look at past posts if you really want more info.
It took us a year and a half to get little mason with which a month prior to that we has lost twins to a Hetero topic pregnancy, it simply means one baby in the tube and one baby in the uterus. The one in the uterus only made it to about week 6 and the one in the tube 7 weeks. Our infertility doctor told us that was a 1 in 1,000 chance that would happen, he said that was incredibly rare because in IVF patients with twins is 1 in 100 which is still very rare. We started trying again once Mason was 8 months knowing that it took a while to get him. He is now almost 3. We have lost 2 babies since, one only made it to 7-8 weeks and the next 12-13 weeks. I finally decided it was time to see a specialist. I haven't had the best of luck with doctors so it took a while.
I've had blood tests, 2 HSG tests, ultra sounds of all kinds and many doctor visits. The only thing we have come up with is I only have half a uterus that they can even see. But we know the other side is there but it is blocked some how because that is where I had the tubal pregnancy. So our best guess is that half of it is built up scar tissue that will have to be surgically removed (that explains all the miscarriages and mason being breached) or there is a wall that during my development was never separated. Which I think the first one is the problem. But we wont know for sure until I have yet another surgery with a camera. Yes that makes 4 for me since we have been married. yuck. In which case if he sees what the problem is he can fix it then with out scheduling me for another. We have given him pictures of all my past surgeries and doctor notes so we will find out tomorrow what the doctor thinks the best next step will be. I just cant wait for all of this to be over and done with so we can move on and actually see what our options are. Its been an emotional and physically draining experience but I'm very grateful for it. It has helped me understand just how lucky we really are that mason even made it to us because it is next to impossible. The Lord has been with me every step of the way. Psalm 46:1, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." He definitely has been my refuge and my strength through this all.

Infertilitly Awareness Week

What a ride
Long and hard
Trying and trusting

Full of heart break
Tears and sleepless nights
Support and love

Staying strong for me
Staying strong for him
Working together

Inside of me
aching for another
A sibling for Mason
An angel from Heaven

I'm longing for you
Sweet chubby cheeks
Little baby talk
All of the "firsts"

But I thank Heavenly Father
I have a miracle child
At least 4 more
I can't wait to meet

I will fight
I will do my best
I know it will happen

Prayers are heard
We are one day closer
One more day behind us

You are mine
Please come soon
I love you already

Becoming Better

I LOVE Visiting Teaching. I have 3 amazing girls that I get to see and teach. I haven't been called as a Visiting Teacher since the first 3 months of our marriage (5 years ago!!!!) At first I was glad not to be one because we moved so many times and I hate getting so close to some one and then leaving. But after a while I felt a loss. That I needed to be one. After being in my ward for over a year and a half I went to the Relief Society President and asked her if she would make me one. And I was called with in the month. I was set with a single girl in our ward with a crazy busy life. So I have found that most of the time I am the one to take care of it, even if that means I go alone. But I love it. I have gotten to know these 3 women who I never would have. I receive a sense of fulfillment that I haven't before. And this month was the perfect lesson to make it even better. Here are the things you should do as a VT...

•Pray daily for her and her family.
•Seek inspiration to know her and her family.
•Visit her regularly to learn how she is doing and to comfort and strengthen her.
•Stay in frequent contact through visits, phone calls, letters, e-mail, text messages, and simple acts of kindness.
•Greet her at Church meetings.
•Help her when she has an emergency, illness, or other urgent need.
•Teach her the gospel from the scriptures and the Visiting Teaching Messages.
•Inspire her by setting a good example.
•Report to a Relief Society leader about their service and the sister’s spiritual and temporal well-being.

All of these things are so easy to do and work towards if you really want to do what to get to know your girls. What a better way then through the Spirit!

http://www.lds.org/liahona/2012/04/love-watch-over-and-strengthen?lang=eng

Lets Make A Deal

When Alan and I got married (5 years ago May 4th) I weighed 117lbs. Which was pretty normal for me since I stopped dancing. One birth control shot and 3 months later I was 140lbs. NOT normal for me. That was too much weight too fast. I went from a size 2 to a size 8. Not really what a girl wants to see happen. That extra weight has stuck by me. And it seems that I'm its best friend. So Alan made me a deal. If I get down to my goal weight (120) by June 1st I get $200 to get new clothes, DEAL! Or if I get prego by then I also get $200 to get maternity clothes (I borrowed all of mine from a great friend for my first pregnancy). Deal!
This morning I woke up and the scale said 127!!!! Say what?! Yep thats right 127! I haven't seen that number in almost 5 years! Why all the exclamation points? BECAUSE I'M SOOO FREAKIN EXCITED!!!!!! I didn't believe it myself. I just stood there staring at the scale until the numbers disappeared. What a beautiful number

Feeling Blessed

I have to say that I thought this week was going to be a heck of a lot worse that it has been. Upon telling others I was going to have surgery on my nose to breathe and getting my tonsils out I received waves of HORROR stories that was assumingly (I know that's not a word but it sounds good) going to happen to me. But I was so excited to get it done that I didn't care, I was going to stay positive and if it got bad enough I even thought of things to say to myself to remember how much I really want the outcome and to stay positive. My goal was to not say ONE bad thing or complain. What a difference it made! Even after almost throwing up and passing out from a Hypoglycemic attack after I was all hooked up and ready to go it was THE BEST surgical experience I have ever had. Every person listened to my needs and the doc even came in to see what music I liked to jam up the session before I fell asleep. Chicago. Every one seriously was so fun and in such a good mood. In 4 years of marriage our family has had a surgery every year. 3 of them mine. So needless to say I know my way around. But I prayed for the doctors to have spiritual guidance and I don't think my pray came unanswered. I have been able to talk ever since I got out of surgery and I haven't had any pain except for when I swallow and even then it really isn't bad at all. It is way less painful then the sore throats I used to go to sleep with and wake up to every day. My nose is slightly swollen but I have been able to breathe out of it the whole time with out discomfort. Weight loss is an average 7lbs, I gained 2. So much for that! ;) I actually was hoping to loss a little weight since alan and I have a bet and it would of helped me reach my goal a lot quicker!
Needless to say I am SO happy I did this surgery and how it has all planned out. I am truly blessed
PS my husband is absolutely AMAZING!!! He has been working from home, cleaning, taking care of little M and me with out any complaints, just a lot of love. I couldn't ask for anything better.

2 More Days

Its something I've been wanting for a LONG time now. When I go to sleep and when I wake up every morning I get a sore throat. Not exactly how I like to start and end a day. But that is what has been happening for the last 5+ years. And to top it off when I lay down, which ever side I'm on, my nose gets stuffed and I can't breath out of that side. Doesn't that sound like so much fun!?! Um, no actually it doesn't because it isn't, at all. Especially when I am prego. Everything is heightened anyway so that just makes it ALL worse. So I'm super happy to announce I'm getting my tonsils out (I have chronic tonsillitis) and they are going to suction out part of the inside of my nose that swells when I lay down. 2 for 1 deal that I will gladly take! I know the recovery is awful for adults but I'll take it for a few weeks to not have to deal with this every day and night. HOORAY!!!! This all goes down this Wednesday, what will the 3 boys do with out me?
The super uber down side to this is that I wont be able to pick little M up for 2+ weeks. This is going to be heart breaking. I love picking him up out of bed when he wakes up and the big hugs I get for the rescue :) oh well at least I will be able to actually talk with him in the mornings!

I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!

Its Been Too Long

Alan left at the beginning of the month on a trip for work and a lot of play. A very well deserved trip. He has been to Taiwan, stopped in Japan, and last in Hawaii. He loves to hike and has been able to see so many beautiful places on this trip. But I miss him like crazy! This is the longest we have been apart and knowing that he could be home right now pretty much sucks. He is stuck at the airport in Hawaii not knowing when he will be able to come home. They all went on buddy passes and just as my friend told me they would most likely get stuck. He can't really go any where so he can try and make every flight possible. I have surgery coming up next week (I wont even be able to pick Mason up for 3 weeks!!!) and a very important Doc appointment the day before. So lets all cross every limb we have so he can make it home!!!

Got Milk?

Mason: milk...Milk...MILK...MMMIIILLK!!!

Mommy: Mason that isn't how we ask. You need to say,"milk please."

Mason: Please (signing please at the same time)

Mommy: You need to put the two words together, showing two fingers and putting them together, and say,"milk please."

Mason: Good job!

Mommy: Smiling and laughing so hard I couldn't resist. He got his milk

My Adventure - day 1

The flight over to Tokyo was super long. I think it was 12 hours. When we got to tokyo some girls came up to us to take a picture with Carl! Leaving Tokyo was kinda difficult for me because my passport expires 6 months from the 15th and it is more expensive to be in Taiwan with less than 6 months left on your passport. When we got our tickets to Taiwan we saw they were close to the front 14a prem. which we found out later meant first class!! You should have seen my smile!! First class was awesome as you can see in the pictures. I slept too much and now it is 12 midnight here and 9 am home.

I Need Some Motivation Here

The list of goals that I have on the side are more just for me to remember to keep doing them. Well they are supposed to anyway. If my goals could talk I wonder what they would be yelling at me... "Stop waiting until the end of the month!" or "Remember we talked about this, being consistent?" or "I think you missed one last week!" hmmmm yea, this is a lot harder then I thought. BUT I'm doing it. The hardest one for me is Family Home Evening. We are with each other every night so you would think I could remember this simple task once a week, WRONG (does that word look weird to you the longer you stare at it?). I think I've done it a possible 3 times. 3 times more than last year! So that's good right?
Well so far this year I have read my scriptures every night but twice (trust me I felt uber guilty) and I just finished Alma. Hurray! I have to pat myself on the back for this one, I've never read it so fast. Alan and I have gone to the temple each month and plan on doing some thing different each week which makes it even more enjoyable to get the full temple experience. And I believe I have so far successfully written a post at least once a week. Now lets just see if I can keep this all up!
As for not so uplifting goals, fitting into smaller jeans.... I wish I could say that I'm working on it but lets be real. I have zero motivation for some crazy reason. I'm in the same jeans before I had mason, I actually never changed even while I was prego. I just want to be at that happy medium from when we got married to now. I see the quote all the time, "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels". I worked for about a day and then peeps came out in the stores and I was ruined. I can eat a whole box in one sitting after they have sat opened for about a week to get a little hard. oh yummy goodness. On a good note, I found a website that gives you a different work out to do every day. I CAN DO IT!

Only one got it right

a puppy :) Its kinda lame I know but it was fun to do with Alan when we had some extra time to just talk and be together.

Can you guess?

What the missing picture is supposed to be?

Home Made Snickers

I had a few people ask me for the recipe who don't have pintrest. So here she be! please click here<---
VERY easy to make. And I will for sure do it again.

Getting Ready For...

VALENTINES DAY!!! I love this holiday mostly for decorating possibilities. So here was mine and my great friend Cindy's fun project for this year (thanks Cindy!!!). I only had one of the middle hearts so I made due with the second wreath. I still think it turned out loverly.
Wreath= piping insulation cut in half and duck taped ($1.68 for 2)
3 different fabrics (valentines is 50% off)
2 different tulle's ($.80 a yard)
2 different burlap ($2.00 for one (I think))
1 heart (4 for a dollar)
buttons for flowers ($3.00)
white paint
mod podge
cricut machine for tags
rosettes - click here, instead of hot gluing the center I just tied a knot and hot glued the end piece to to bottom instead of using felt.
I had zero directions for this so I made it up as I went. I bought 1/2 a yard for all the different fabrics (gives you enough to make two wreaths except for the tulle) and cut each piece 1 3/4 inches wide and 18 inches long. After a while you just eye it and some are a little bigger than others but no one really notices. Everything else is pretty self explanatory if you want to copy. It ended up costing me less than $10 a wreath. Let me know if you have any questions!

Little M's Lovin

For the past little while little M's been showing a lot of lovin. Ever since he learned about his elbow he asks me to kiss them all the time and points them up for me waiting for a kiss. He loves to have me kiss his "hurt"'s, even if he is just pretending. In that case there is always more than one "hurt". He isn't allowed in the kitchen (sharp objects=curious little M) but when we are in there he knows exactly what to do to stay there, he hugs and pats my legs and says, "AWWWW" followed by a sneaky grin but oh how that melts my heart even though I know the reason he is really doing it. If I am sitting on the floor with him and he wants to get up he grabs my hand and says, "up" but of course I demand a big hug and kiss before I get up and he happily delivers. Of course there is always hugs (always followed by an "ahhh") and kisses (always followed by an "mmmmm") all through out the day and night. I sure love that little man of mine

Trip to Moab

(I didn't take this pic but this is more of what it looks like right now)
We just got back from a great weekend trip to Moab. Alan's mom is in town and we always like to go with her to see his grandma and uncle when she is here and stay with them. Mason always loves to be with Alan's mom and its a nice little break for us. How lucky is it that we can go there when ever we want and have a great place to stay! We also got to meet Alan's uncles new wife Marianne. She is so great and beautiful. Mason fell in love with her and loved sitting on her lap while we went to Denny's, which I was super great full for! We are so excited and lucky to have her in our family. We also went to our cousin Jennifer's house were we got to eat pizza, catch up and Mason got to play with his little cousins and he had a blast! He was in no hurry to get home :) We went to the Arches and hiked a little bit around a few of them and on our way home we hit Dead Horse Point. One of my most favorite views in Utah. Absolutely breath taking. I'll have to post some pictures of it tomorrow when I can get it off my phone. If you haven't been there it is well worth the 4 hour drive!!!! Especially if you are going to Moab. I could seriously be there all day. I'm so great full for wonderful loving families. What a blessing. Thanks to everyone who made it so fun!

Oh how I love...

DRY SHAMPOO!!!! I know it sounds lame but just go with me on this one. It is AMAZING! Today I was so tired from being sick (yes this is the 3rd time in 3 months) because I hadn't had much sleep so I didn't wake up in enough time to take a shower, and who really wants to be the family walking in late during church when the Prophet is sitting there by the door? So I pulled out my handy dandy dry shampoo that I got as a sample and a few little sprays and SHABAM! Like magic my hair looked like it did the day before AND it smelled good. Heck yes I am putting this on my list for when I go to the store next! I'm very excited about this new find if you haven't noticed by all the caps. SCORE!

That Great and Spacious Building

Today in Sunday school we were taught about 1 Nephi 8-11. And it was a great lesson. We mostly focused on chapter 8 and the significance of it and what the Tree of Life=love of god, Iron Rod=word of god, the Great and Spacious Building=Pride of the world etc. really mean. If you don't know what I'm referring to check out this link here and read chapter 11 too.
My teacher repeated a great quote from the 1987 conference talk by Elder Glenn L. Pace....
"...let me make it completely clear that the people in that building have absolutely nothing to offer except instant, short-term gratification inescapably connected to long-term sorrow and suffering. The commandments you observe were not given by a dispassionate God to prevent you from having fun, but by a loving Father in Heaven who wants you to be happy while you are living on this earth as well as in the hereafter.

Compare the blessings of living the Word of Wisdom to those available to you if you choose to party with those in the great and spacious building. Compare the joy of intelligent humor and wit to drunken, silly, crude, loud laughter. Compare our faithful young women who still have a blush in their cheeks with those who, having long lost their blush, try to persuade you to join them in their loss. Compare lifting people up to putting people down. Compare the ability to receive personal revelation and direction in your life to being tossed to and fro with every wind of doctrine. Compare holding the priesthood of God with anything you see going on in that great and spacious building."
What a perfect way to put it. It makes me ache inside for my friends and family that have chosen the instant short gratification over their eternity and their families. I'm so grateful for the happiness that I feel because I know I'm doing the right things. I love Visiting Teaching and the girls I get to go see. I love the power of the Relief society to teach women to lift each other up and support them and work together instead of putting each other down trying to be "better" then others. I love that I have the Prophet of God Thomas S Monson in my ward :) What a sweet blessing it is to see and hear him as often as I do. I am so thankful for the atonement, I don't use it enough. And I'm thankful for all of you who took the time to read this and who care about me and my well being and helped me be who I am. I am a grateful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

Please Read This Post

Alicia is an old friend of mine hoping to adopt their 2nd child this year. If you don't know her all you have to do is read her blog to know what a beautiful person she is and a wonderful mother. There little family is searching to fill their eternal family. Please help them if you know of anyone who can help them fill that place in their hearts. You can read their blog at: http://aandw2adopt.blogspot.com/

2011

Some pictures that some what sum up 2011

You thought I forgot huh

Nope!!! I didn't! I'm pretty proud of myself actually because my mind lately can only be summed up in one word, nonexistent. I keep forgetting important stuff and have no idea how I can/could forget those kind of things. Now the real problem is figuring out what to even write about...
still thinking...
thinking...
Walla! wait, nope...
Well I bet that was the shortest post I've ever written. I bet you can't wait for post 3!

This Time Around

So I've made some goals for our family that will hopefully bring us all closer together spiritually and emotionally. I also made some goals for myself. I'm pretty amazing at starting things that I want to try or do but I'm never good at finishing it or even keeping it going (lets be honest). I want to make a chart on the side that has my list of goals that can be seen so I can keep it updated and view it to be reminded so I'll have to see about that later.... (I swear I will look and see if I can).
Family Goals:
Every Monday we have Family Home Evening-we started tonight and I'm sure little M had no idea what was going on but that's OK

Alan and I go to the Temple every month-now that we have a live in baby sitter we have NO excuses

Alan and I do our Home/Visiting teaching every month- I never got called in our ward to be one and its been a year and I felt it was time to go ask to be one. So far so good! I have great girls that I get to go see

We pray and read scriptures as a family every night- We do this anyway but I want to keep it up

Goals for Myself:
Update this blog once a week-crazy I know compared to what I have been doing in the past but I can do it!!!

Complete the Book of Mormon better than I did last- It took me 8 months last go round and I know I can remember the stories better if I read it like a novel like my late gma told me to do. (she would read the ENTIRE triple combination in a month!)

Be more patient-I've been working on this for a while and I can already see a big difference especially with my son.

Fit into smaller jeans-I've been able to fit into my pre baby jeans since I left the hospital but I could go smaller but my legs are just to big lol so they need to do some shrinking

Finish what I start- self explained

So now that you all know my goals you all better kick my butt if I fall out of routine! Especially because I never finish what I start! it takes a village to raise a family, well for me its going to take you guys to help finish my goals. Don't be afraid to tell me if I'm doing a crappy job, just do it!
Love you all and I hope you had a fantastic Christmas and New years!