Update from last Post

Sorry I haven't written in a while, its been quite the ride. I had another surgery to find out what the poo was going on with my uterus and hopefully fix it. I was really hoping that from my tubal pregnancy and the c-section that scar tissue had formed and they would be able to separate it from the uterus and I would be good to go. But that wasn't the case at all. I have whats called a Unicornian Uterus. Again rare. Which means I only have half a uterus. Awesome. The reason why they thought that I had a right side to it that they couldn't see was because of the tubal pregnancy on that side... Picture half of a uterus with a messed up right fallopian tube in a really weird spot and that's what I've got. So the Doc went in to talk to Alan while I was in surgery to tell him what was going on and options on what to do next. They could leave the tube and risk another ectopic pregnancy or clip it and have less eggs to work with because I wont be able to ovulate from that side. Since the last ectopic almost cost me my life they clipped it. Thank goodness they did. I really DON'T want to go through that again. It was emotional in soooo many ways. So now we have to wait for 6 months and go back in to see what our next plan is. They don't want to put me on Clomid right now because if I had twins I have no room for them and most likely they will only last 20 weeks and either not make it or be in NICU for a very long time. That makes it really hard for me to know what to do. As a mom you don't want to cause ANY pain to your baby. And knowing that is a high possibility is hard for me to say it is worth it. Next would be IVF. And it is intense! I am not a strong person I will admit that. Its not a simple retrieval and implant. So then after that would be adoption. A lot to decide. Poor little M may not have a sibling for a really long time but it will happen. He really needs a little brother or sister.
For the next 6 months we are on our own. I hope and pray that we can have another baby with out the help of doctors.

My Story of Infertility

I mostly want to talk about what has been going on as of late but for those who don't remember or don't know I'll give you a little heads up. But you can also look at past posts if you really want more info.
It took us a year and a half to get little mason with which a month prior to that we has lost twins to a Hetero topic pregnancy, it simply means one baby in the tube and one baby in the uterus. The one in the uterus only made it to about week 6 and the one in the tube 7 weeks. Our infertility doctor told us that was a 1 in 1,000 chance that would happen, he said that was incredibly rare because in IVF patients with twins is 1 in 100 which is still very rare. We started trying again once Mason was 8 months knowing that it took a while to get him. He is now almost 3. We have lost 2 babies since, one only made it to 7-8 weeks and the next 12-13 weeks. I finally decided it was time to see a specialist. I haven't had the best of luck with doctors so it took a while.
I've had blood tests, 2 HSG tests, ultra sounds of all kinds and many doctor visits. The only thing we have come up with is I only have half a uterus that they can even see. But we know the other side is there but it is blocked some how because that is where I had the tubal pregnancy. So our best guess is that half of it is built up scar tissue that will have to be surgically removed (that explains all the miscarriages and mason being breached) or there is a wall that during my development was never separated. Which I think the first one is the problem. But we wont know for sure until I have yet another surgery with a camera. Yes that makes 4 for me since we have been married. yuck. In which case if he sees what the problem is he can fix it then with out scheduling me for another. We have given him pictures of all my past surgeries and doctor notes so we will find out tomorrow what the doctor thinks the best next step will be. I just cant wait for all of this to be over and done with so we can move on and actually see what our options are. Its been an emotional and physically draining experience but I'm very grateful for it. It has helped me understand just how lucky we really are that mason even made it to us because it is next to impossible. The Lord has been with me every step of the way. Psalm 46:1, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." He definitely has been my refuge and my strength through this all.

Infertilitly Awareness Week

What a ride
Long and hard
Trying and trusting

Full of heart break
Tears and sleepless nights
Support and love

Staying strong for me
Staying strong for him
Working together

Inside of me
aching for another
A sibling for Mason
An angel from Heaven

I'm longing for you
Sweet chubby cheeks
Little baby talk
All of the "firsts"

But I thank Heavenly Father
I have a miracle child
At least 4 more
I can't wait to meet

I will fight
I will do my best
I know it will happen

Prayers are heard
We are one day closer
One more day behind us

You are mine
Please come soon
I love you already

Becoming Better

I LOVE Visiting Teaching. I have 3 amazing girls that I get to see and teach. I haven't been called as a Visiting Teacher since the first 3 months of our marriage (5 years ago!!!!) At first I was glad not to be one because we moved so many times and I hate getting so close to some one and then leaving. But after a while I felt a loss. That I needed to be one. After being in my ward for over a year and a half I went to the Relief Society President and asked her if she would make me one. And I was called with in the month. I was set with a single girl in our ward with a crazy busy life. So I have found that most of the time I am the one to take care of it, even if that means I go alone. But I love it. I have gotten to know these 3 women who I never would have. I receive a sense of fulfillment that I haven't before. And this month was the perfect lesson to make it even better. Here are the things you should do as a VT...

•Pray daily for her and her family.
•Seek inspiration to know her and her family.
•Visit her regularly to learn how she is doing and to comfort and strengthen her.
•Stay in frequent contact through visits, phone calls, letters, e-mail, text messages, and simple acts of kindness.
•Greet her at Church meetings.
•Help her when she has an emergency, illness, or other urgent need.
•Teach her the gospel from the scriptures and the Visiting Teaching Messages.
•Inspire her by setting a good example.
•Report to a Relief Society leader about their service and the sister’s spiritual and temporal well-being.

All of these things are so easy to do and work towards if you really want to do what to get to know your girls. What a better way then through the Spirit!

http://www.lds.org/liahona/2012/04/love-watch-over-and-strengthen?lang=eng

Lets Make A Deal

When Alan and I got married (5 years ago May 4th) I weighed 117lbs. Which was pretty normal for me since I stopped dancing. One birth control shot and 3 months later I was 140lbs. NOT normal for me. That was too much weight too fast. I went from a size 2 to a size 8. Not really what a girl wants to see happen. That extra weight has stuck by me. And it seems that I'm its best friend. So Alan made me a deal. If I get down to my goal weight (120) by June 1st I get $200 to get new clothes, DEAL! Or if I get prego by then I also get $200 to get maternity clothes (I borrowed all of mine from a great friend for my first pregnancy). Deal!
This morning I woke up and the scale said 127!!!! Say what?! Yep thats right 127! I haven't seen that number in almost 5 years! Why all the exclamation points? BECAUSE I'M SOOO FREAKIN EXCITED!!!!!! I didn't believe it myself. I just stood there staring at the scale until the numbers disappeared. What a beautiful number

Feeling Blessed

I have to say that I thought this week was going to be a heck of a lot worse that it has been. Upon telling others I was going to have surgery on my nose to breathe and getting my tonsils out I received waves of HORROR stories that was assumingly (I know that's not a word but it sounds good) going to happen to me. But I was so excited to get it done that I didn't care, I was going to stay positive and if it got bad enough I even thought of things to say to myself to remember how much I really want the outcome and to stay positive. My goal was to not say ONE bad thing or complain. What a difference it made! Even after almost throwing up and passing out from a Hypoglycemic attack after I was all hooked up and ready to go it was THE BEST surgical experience I have ever had. Every person listened to my needs and the doc even came in to see what music I liked to jam up the session before I fell asleep. Chicago. Every one seriously was so fun and in such a good mood. In 4 years of marriage our family has had a surgery every year. 3 of them mine. So needless to say I know my way around. But I prayed for the doctors to have spiritual guidance and I don't think my pray came unanswered. I have been able to talk ever since I got out of surgery and I haven't had any pain except for when I swallow and even then it really isn't bad at all. It is way less painful then the sore throats I used to go to sleep with and wake up to every day. My nose is slightly swollen but I have been able to breathe out of it the whole time with out discomfort. Weight loss is an average 7lbs, I gained 2. So much for that! ;) I actually was hoping to loss a little weight since alan and I have a bet and it would of helped me reach my goal a lot quicker!
Needless to say I am SO happy I did this surgery and how it has all planned out. I am truly blessed
PS my husband is absolutely AMAZING!!! He has been working from home, cleaning, taking care of little M and me with out any complaints, just a lot of love. I couldn't ask for anything better.

2 More Days

Its something I've been wanting for a LONG time now. When I go to sleep and when I wake up every morning I get a sore throat. Not exactly how I like to start and end a day. But that is what has been happening for the last 5+ years. And to top it off when I lay down, which ever side I'm on, my nose gets stuffed and I can't breath out of that side. Doesn't that sound like so much fun!?! Um, no actually it doesn't because it isn't, at all. Especially when I am prego. Everything is heightened anyway so that just makes it ALL worse. So I'm super happy to announce I'm getting my tonsils out (I have chronic tonsillitis) and they are going to suction out part of the inside of my nose that swells when I lay down. 2 for 1 deal that I will gladly take! I know the recovery is awful for adults but I'll take it for a few weeks to not have to deal with this every day and night. HOORAY!!!! This all goes down this Wednesday, what will the 3 boys do with out me?
The super uber down side to this is that I wont be able to pick little M up for 2+ weeks. This is going to be heart breaking. I love picking him up out of bed when he wakes up and the big hugs I get for the rescue :) oh well at least I will be able to actually talk with him in the mornings!

I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!